ANZAC day, memorials and the finding a feeling of Autumn

After the gym today, I thought I'd take a walk through the botanical garden.  I had a book on loan from the library that I wanted to finish (Just Kids, Patti Smith) and my home is still filled with the racket of construction work.

Hobart Botanical Garden 

 

But, I got a bit turned around, so I decided to walk the long way through Soldier Field, and possibly because ANZAC day is this upcoming Monday or possibly because today was much more a summer day than an autumn one, I read all the signs, and many (there are thousands) of the plaques.

Hobart Soldiers Walk 

I have only gone to two of the dawn services on ANZAC day (two more then ahem someone I know).  Part of that is because I have any known, family history with the wars.  Both my father and my step-father got out of going to Vietnam (the stories on the 'how' are varied).  I actually think they were both a bit young...17 and 18 years old in 1968.
  I have studied more about all the wars after I moved out of the U.S.  I don't remember ever seeing a war memorial in real life until after I moved.  Every town has one, and most families can trace their family history back a long way.  I started to go into every war museum I came upon (all through the U.K., Australia, Europe) and I often pull over to read the plaques in the small towns here in Tasmania.

Then I started to watch war films, and documentaries which I had mostly ignored before.  I had a really good online class called 'War in Media', all the classic war films and documentaries were part of the class work.

 
 

Monument Valley, beautiful as it is dry.

There are times in my life that my mind runs to what I think of as 'superstitious thinking'.  I see signs, and patterns.  I think I am manifesting my destiny.  I think I have the ability to jinx how a trip will go.

I have road tripped to areas of Arizona and Utah that are very beautiful.

Each time I have gone to them, has been some time of great stress in my life.

This all could be a coincidence, false correlations, seemingly causal and yet not.

Even in times of great stress- the vast openness and deep history of these areas- the fact that they are not yet overrun...able to retain at least parts of cultures otherwise crushed out does create an environment to feel oneself cut down to a more containable size.

 

"...in America they laugh at my jokes..." or "Call no man foe, but never love a stranger."

Today is a day in April, I am home in Tasmania and I have changed the way I drink my coffee.

For years I have been a medium strength coffee girl, with a splash of milk (the cooler the coffee...the faster I can drink it), and probably too much sugar.

Late in 2015 I started to think about the amount of raw sugar and flour I consume.  This is because I am, in my own opinion, good at avoiding processed foods (easy in Australia, much harder in Sweden).  However, at home we cook a lot and I started to wonder about how much sugar or sweetner I was eating just from coffee, tea.  

A lot of upheaval has happened in my life and my partners since about early December.  Although I felt change coming on earlier in the year.

These changes have been both internal and external.

Business, family, and personal.

I don't know if these shifts are lasting or if they are lessons to try and learn from, or an actual changes that could hang around for awhile.

I am not in a mental space to write even a letter to some friend that might still remember to check this blog and get updated on my life.  I am in a mental space to write out some truths (as I see them) only this forum is too public.

So I am just leaving myself some clues in case in a later year I want to look back at this time to jar my memory.

(Speaking of memories...I have decided mine is unreliable and in fact littered with details added by my imagination.  I realized this when speaking with friends about another friend who was not present with us, about her relationship to the place we were (my favorite dumpling house in L.A.), only to find that she had never been there, I had just slotted her in because I was so sure she'd love it.  More than that, the dumpling house isn't even specifically the type of food she does love...it's my version of what I think she loves).

To sum up what I would like to remember at a later date is this-

I have decided to drink my coffee with just a splash of cream- (Monte).

Perspectives do change about people and what they mean in my life, even perspectives I might swear would in fact, never change.  I keep proving this-so it is time to actually believe it.

There are reasons that I am where I am (mentally and physically) but I miss my friends whenever they are not within an easy drive or flight time.

Clues:

The inevitable emotional arc

Rat Shed

Pickles!

Gurka!

California will never completely leave you

No matter how you age, if you survive life is going to keep happening so try to participate fully.

 

 

"...well I woke up this morning...didn't know right from wrong..."

Whenever I leave a place that I live for another place that I live (or have lived) I fall into a mood of being pensive. "Mentally and spiritually preoccupied". As if 'returning' means I will be cut off from my current life.  It's a strange form of superstition. 

I just went through my blog posts of the last year, and I was jolted into seeing that it has been a good year- I am quick to judge myself lacking because I have this pervasive fear that IF my life is good, then it's only a matter of time before I ruin it through some act of selfishness or stupidity.

This morning, I can see that although this is a well-worn road, it isn't not true, or even relevant to my life now. 

 Also, I can see that this is also a reaction I have to having too many people in my life that are having problems all at once.  The same trait in me that I once thought would make me a good talk-psychologist has this impact of making me tense.  I thought that if I became a Psychologist I would have the experience and expertise to put up proper boundaries.

Or maybe boundaries isn't exactly what I mean- because I don't want to block anyone- I just need to learn to not let the misfortune (and by misfortune I mean a lot of things) of others color my own perceptions of my life.  

My feeling guilty that I have made good decisions it a useless reaction.

The fact that I went a month without putting up a blog post is akin to not writing in a journal for a month- although mostly my reaction to the pressures currently have been positive- more trips to the gym, I took some swimming lessons and Zok and I went snorkeling.
 I received letters and posted replies.
I had some selling dramas via Ebay but sorted it out and still came out ahead.
I may have played everything a bit safe these last couple of months but I think that reaction was reasonable.  A person can not always seek out adventure, or have the cupboards perfectly organized- sometimes life is about rolling with the punches.

We are leaving in a day at the unholy hour of 4 a.m.-
Eight hours later we will board for LAX - which at 14 hours seems short compared to our normal trip to Europe.
But I will still be confused, haggard, and stinky by the time I arrive to L.A.
Then less than 24 hours later I will be headed up to Sac.

But- through whatever happens I have that guy pictured above-
He is a good thing, that I should always remember-
I am going to see good friends-
I am going to not sweat the little things...I am going to let go of past histories that no longer serve me...I am going to mantra/self-help my way into grace and goodness.
       
  

"...drinking when I should be sleeping...sleeping when I should be waking up..."

I am not positive that I have been "busy" or just in my head.

Honestly I have been a bit of both.

 Summer feels as if it is ending...or our leaving for the U.S. means that when we return Autumn really will have set in-

I am too concerned with what is behind me...Did I go to the beach as often as I could?  Is my tan deep enough?  Did I see enough? Do enough?

 I know that these are wasteful thoughts but sometimes I can not quiet them.

Yet, here I am and it is March, yet I did not post anything in the month of February.  Truthfully my brain has been concerned with people who are having health concerns, or other problems. I also had some hassles with a sale on Ebay.  A long and tedious story, but if you happen to sell on Ebay my advice to you is if the item has a high price, then it is worth the bother of photographing your posted item.  This is the proof that PayPal wants from you, not a tracking number. I used up about $20 AU in Skype credit which let me tell you- is A LOT of phone calls.  

I organized a trip to Maria Island to try and weed the (non-native) Cumbungi aka Bullrush aka Pussy Willows from the reservoir.

Zok came with me, his second (and first long) trip to the island.

Obviously (is it obvious? by Australian standards it is) there are 'job risks' and 'safety' to be considered, working in a pond.

Everyone called the trip a success but I will say we were tired for a couple of days afterwards.  Also, I have three words to add...muck, eels, and leeches.

 Of course the born and breed Tasmanians' were unconcerned about the leeches.  I like eels, and we didn't see any water snakes so that was a bonus. 

Here is day 3 of what the leech bites that Zok got on his neck, looked like:

They did have a nice vampire quality.

 Trying out different methods of getting Cumbungi from pond out to the shore.

 

Zok (what else did you expect?) made pulled pork, and we made home-made tortillas and beans as well for a nice dinner for the volunteers and parks staff.  Here you see the lovely sunlight of the end of summer.

Another bonus was due to a fatal (yes this does happen, even if it is rare) shark attack near Maria Island, our plans to snorkel were cancelled but Zok took me nearby- So exciting-even though we only saw normal fish and no seahorses!

What else? Oh, yes, I have been going to a new gym that I like, and also to swimming lessons.

The marine reserve we drove to was sooooooo Aussie, the sound of wind through Sheoaks, the call of the Magpie, and sheep bleating on the hillside next to the beach.

 Can you see this sheep?  Next to the ocean?

I have only snorkeled once or twice in Hawaii, I can't believe it took us (Zok and I) so long to get out there but now that I have, I am really excited to go- a lot.

 

 

 

"...she asked for my love and I gave her a dangerous mind..."

-The end of the FOMA 2016 visit-

Along the same theme of my being remiss in noting all of the changes in my local area, we went out to the 'Apple Shed'.

When I first moved to Hobart I was on this 'Bulmers' hard cider kick, but I had trouble finding that cider here.  There were the three various Mercury ciders, but they weren't the 'easy' drinking I was used too.  Pubs didn't always stock them, and I was sorted given 'a look' when I asked for them.

On the road to Huonvilled there is an 'Apple Shed', I went one time to see if there was cider and do a bit of exploring.

It was a funny place, with a bit of history about the apple farming in Tasmania- but it was a bit too quirky for me to add it to my list of sights when visitors are here.

Of course that has all changed.

Tasmania seems to have almost as many ciders as they do micro-brews.

One of the popular cider makers, Willie Smith's has taken over (joined with?) The Apple Shed, and now it part quirk, part really lovely place to have lunch.

It was so crowded we picked a far off spot in the back garden to eat.  

I wish I could explain how strange it is to write 'crowded' and and be talking about anywhere in 'huonville'.  I had a special cider that was only available on tap called 'Stromtrooper' - a bled of rare and almost extinct heritage apples.

I was like 1) Star Wars pun 2) Exotic rare almost 'extinct' apple = How can I say No?

It was really good, my companion (the one who didn't have to worry about going on the limit as she was not driving) did a 'flight' to try four of the ciders but went back for one of mine.  She also bought a 'growler' which is not something I knew about...It's a large old-fashioned (read = trendy, hip) jug for taking away cider.  When we go back she'll get $18 dollars off for bringing the jug back. Although now that I am thinking about it, I suppose it is just a running $18 deposit one time deposit if you always want to re-fill it...

Finally here is some history if you are interested:
http://www.tascidertrail.com/history/ 
 

"...you caught yourself a trick down on Sunset & Vine..."

 

"I am so behind myself...or MOFO adventures continued."

I often refer to myself as a 'tourist in my own town', but as far as Hobart is concerned I have been falling short of that marker.

 Saff has been asking me about going to the site of the Cascades Female Factory for a couple of years now.  Zok and I went about ten years ago and all that was there was a marker and some ruins.  I was putting her off because of what I remembered.

However, this has completely changed. 

We booked in for a mid-morning tour, and coincidentally our night event was a three-piece band 'Bush Gothic' who rearrange traditional 'transport' songs and convict ballads.

Our morning was spent learning about some of the women, why they were transported, how their lives progressed. Followed by the musical version. So to speak.  In case you do not know...Van Diemens is the original (European) name for Tasmania.

Van Diemens land 

The words are taken from the description of one female convict, there were many young teens transported, and many babies born along the way (the whole way, the crews allowed themselves the "convenience" of prisoners on board).

The photo is an arts project done using the descendant of a convict, staged with the items that convict was transported for.  Most people were transported for petty theft.

I could write a lot about transportation to Australia, but there is some much current injustice and cruelty in todays prison systems that I don't feel it is necessary to dig into the past for examples that would evoke emotion.

The performance was held in the Rosny Barn, and the singer knew the story of the convict slash settlers that first built and operated the barn. How about that?

The barn is becoming a favorite, I went there a few times for the market-

Rosny Barn 

Now, they are running (the Clarence council) a series of outdoor movies.

(!)

All in all, I thought we planned out a tidily informative and fun day.

Also, I totally would have been transported...