I truly thought I wouldn't leave my house. As isolated as I have been feeling, the spaces I have created, and the routine I can maintain has a sense of safety I felt like clinging too.
I have been a bit low, and sometimes forward motion, or any motion, can give me a period of action or grace that will see me through whatever emotional turmoil I think I am having. Traveling is a good way to eat up ones time.
I had to leave my home as the sun was rising yet I arrived in Geelong after one in the afternoon. Afflixtion came to pick me up, and after what seemed like a very short visit, it was time for practice. Although the Sunday session can be longer than three hours, the time passes really quickly. Then I had dinner, dominated the conversation too much as I do after weeks of relative silence, then suddenly the time became midnight.
Monday Saff worked from home so that day was a blink, and now, on Tuesday, even though I got up at 6 a.m., here I am in the library of a (wrong actually) Deakin campus using the wireless, and partially working on classwork.
I do have to make my way to the other campus which is where my text book is apparently located. This has potential for my favorite activity: driving lost, so I am putting that task off at least until my parking time is expired.
Although I can feel all the many days that are like today piling up on me- days where I am borrowing someones car, wandering through only vaguely familiar areas, wasting time library by library, shop by shop, bench by bench-there is also a familiarity, an aspect of self-identity in these motions.
At the heart though is time passing-a week closer to August-the last month before Zok comes back to the island. A month is a workable amount of time to my mind. I can fill the days in such a way to be completely free of tasks when we are together again.
I went back to July of last year, to read what I was doing, and remarkably I was doing exactly the same things I am doing now. Next July will be different, this is a vow I am making, here in print in case I need the reminder.
I have been a bit low, and sometimes forward motion, or any motion, can give me a period of action or grace that will see me through whatever emotional turmoil I think I am having. Traveling is a good way to eat up ones time.
I had to leave my home as the sun was rising yet I arrived in Geelong after one in the afternoon. Afflixtion came to pick me up, and after what seemed like a very short visit, it was time for practice. Although the Sunday session can be longer than three hours, the time passes really quickly. Then I had dinner, dominated the conversation too much as I do after weeks of relative silence, then suddenly the time became midnight.
Monday Saff worked from home so that day was a blink, and now, on Tuesday, even though I got up at 6 a.m., here I am in the library of a (wrong actually) Deakin campus using the wireless, and partially working on classwork.
I do have to make my way to the other campus which is where my text book is apparently located. This has potential for my favorite activity: driving lost, so I am putting that task off at least until my parking time is expired.
Although I can feel all the many days that are like today piling up on me- days where I am borrowing someones car, wandering through only vaguely familiar areas, wasting time library by library, shop by shop, bench by bench-there is also a familiarity, an aspect of self-identity in these motions.
At the heart though is time passing-a week closer to August-the last month before Zok comes back to the island. A month is a workable amount of time to my mind. I can fill the days in such a way to be completely free of tasks when we are together again.
I went back to July of last year, to read what I was doing, and remarkably I was doing exactly the same things I am doing now. Next July will be different, this is a vow I am making, here in print in case I need the reminder.
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