Sunday, March 6, 2016

"...well I woke up this morning...didn't know right from wrong..."

Whenever I leave a place that I live for another place that I live (or have lived) I fall into a mood of being pensive. "Mentally and spiritually preoccupied". As if 'returning' means I will be cut off from my current life.  It's a strange form of superstition. 

I just went through my blog posts of the last year, and I was jolted into seeing that it has been a good year- I am quick to judge myself lacking because I have this pervasive fear that IF my life is good, then it's only a matter of time before I ruin it through some act of selfishness or stupidity.

This morning, I can see that although this is a well-worn road, it isn't not true, or even relevant to my life now. 
 Also, I can see that this is also a reaction I have to having too many people in my life that are having problems all at once.  The same trait in me that I once thought would make me a good talk-psychologist has this impact of making me tense.  I thought that if I became a Psychologist I would have the experience and expertise to put up proper boundaries.
Or maybe boundaries isn't exactly what I mean- because I don't want to block anyone- I just need to learn to not let the misfortune (and by misfortune I mean a lot of things) of others color my own perceptions of my life.  
My feeling guilty that I have made good decisions it a useless reaction.

The fact that I went a month without putting up a blog post is akin to not writing in a journal for a month- although mostly my reaction to the pressures currently have been positive- more trips to the gym, I took some swimming lessons and Zok and I went snorkeling.
 I received letters and posted replies.
I had some selling dramas via Ebay but sorted it out and still came out ahead.
I may have played everything a bit safe these last couple of months but I think that reaction was reasonable.  A person can not always seek out adventure, or have the cupboards perfectly organized- sometimes life is about rolling with the punches.

We are leaving in a day at the unholy hour of 4 a.m.-
Eight hours later we will board for LAX - which at 14 hours seems short compared to our normal trip to Europe.
But I will still be confused, haggard, and stinky by the time I arrive to L.A.
Then less than 24 hours later I will be headed up to Sac.

But- through whatever happens I have that guy pictured above-
He is a good thing, that I should always remember-
I am going to see good friends-
I am going to not sweat the little things...I am going to let go of past histories that no longer serve me...I am going to mantra/self-help my way into grace and goodness.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

"...drinking when I should be sleeping...sleeping when I should be waking up..."

I am not positive that I have been "busy" or just in my head.
Honestly I have been a bit of both.
 Summer feels as if it is ending...or our leaving for the U.S. means that when we return Autumn really will have set in-
I am too concerned with what is behind me...Did I go to the beach as often as I could?  Is my tan deep enough?  Did I see enough? Do enough?
 I know that these are wasteful thoughts but sometimes I can not quiet them.

Yet, here I am and it is March, yet I did not post anything in the month of February.  Truthfully my brain has been concerned with people who are having health concerns, or other problems. I also had some hassles with a sale on Ebay.  A long and tedious story, but if you happen to sell on Ebay my advice to you is if the item has a high price, then it is worth the bother of photographing your posted item.  This is the proof that PayPal wants from you, not a tracking number. I used up about $20 AU in Skype credit which let me tell you- is A LOT of phone calls.  

I organized a trip to Maria Island to try and weed the (non-native) Cumbungi aka Bullrush aka Pussy Willows from the reservoir.
Zok came with me, his second (and first long) trip to the island.
Obviously (is it obvious? by Australian standards it is) there are 'job risks' and 'safety' to be considered, working in a pond.
Everyone called the trip a success but I will say we were tired for a couple of days afterwards.  Also, I have three words to add...muck, eels, and leeches.
 Of course the born and breed Tasmanians' were unconcerned about the leeches.  I like eels, and we didn't see any water snakes so that was a bonus. 
Here is day 3 of what the leech bites that Zok got on his neck, looked like:

They did have a nice vampire quality.
 Trying out different methods of getting Cumbungi from pond out to the shore.
Zok (what else did you expect?) made pulled pork, and we made home-made tortillas and beans as well for a nice dinner for the volunteers and parks staff.  Here you see the lovely sunlight of the end of summer.

Another bonus was due to a fatal (yes this does happen, even if it is rare) shark attack near Maria Island, our plans to snorkel were cancelled but Zok took me nearby- So exciting-even though we only saw normal fish and no seahorses!

What else? Oh, yes, I have been going to a new gym that I like, and also to swimming lessons.
The marine reserve we drove to was sooooooo Aussie, the sound of wind through Sheoaks, the call of the Magpie, and sheep bleating on the hillside next to the beach.

 Can you see this sheep?  Next to the ocean?
I have only snorkeled once or twice in Hawaii, I can't believe it took us (Zok and I) so long to get out there but now that I have, I am really excited to go- a lot.