Friday, April 22, 2016

ANZAC day, memorials and the finding a feeling of Autumn

After the gym today, I thought I'd take a walk through the botanical garden.  I had a book on loan from the library that I wanted to finish (Just Kids, Patti Smith) and my home is still filled with the racket of construction work.

But, I got a bit turned around, so I decided to walk the long way through Soldier Field, and possibly because ANZAC day is this upcoming Monday or possibly because today was much more a summer day than an autumn one, I read all the signs, and many (there are thousands) of the plaques.

I have only gone to two of the dawn services on ANZAC day (two more then ahem someone I know).  Part of that is because I have any known, family history with the wars.  Both my father and my step-father got out of going to Vietnam (the stories on the 'how' are varied).  I actually think they were both a bit young...17 and 18 years old in 1968.
  I have studied more about all the wars after I moved out of the U.S.  I don't remember ever seeing a war memorial in real life until after I moved.  Every town has one, and most families can trace their family history back a long way.  I started to go into every war museum I came upon (all through the U.K., Australia, Europe) and I often pull over to read the plaques in the small towns here in Tasmania.
Then I started to watch war films, and documentaries which I had mostly ignored before.  I had a really good online class called 'War in Media', all the classic war films and documentaries were part of the class work.


Sunday, April 3, 2016

Monument Valley, beautiful as it is dry.

There are times in my life that my mind runs to what I think of as 'superstitious thinking'.  I see signs, and patterns.  I think I am manifesting my destiny.  I think I have the ability to jinx how a trip will go.
I have road tripped to areas of Arizona and Utah that are very beautiful.
Each time I have gone to them, has been some time of great stress in my life.
This all could be a coincidence, false correlations, seemingly causal and yet not.

Even in times of great stress- the vast openness and deep history of these areas- the fact that they are not yet to retain at least parts of cultures otherwise crushed out does create an environment to feel oneself cut down to a more containable size.


" America they laugh at my jokes..." or "Call no man foe, but never love a stranger."

Today is a day in April, I am home in Tasmania and I have changed the way I drink my coffee.
For years I have been a medium strength coffee girl, with a splash of milk (the cooler the coffee...the faster I can drink it), and probably too much sugar.
Late in 2015 I started to think about the amount of raw sugar and flour I consume.  This is because I am, in my own opinion, good at avoiding processed foods (easy in Australia, much harder in Sweden).  However, at home we cook a lot and I started to wonder about how much sugar or sweetner I was eating just from coffee, tea.  

A lot of upheaval has happened in my life and my partners since about early December.  Although I felt change coming on earlier in the year.
These changes have been both internal and external.
Business, family, and personal.
I don't know if these shifts are lasting or if they are lessons to try and learn from, or an actual changes that could hang around for awhile.

I am not in a mental space to write even a letter to some friend that might still remember to check this blog and get updated on my life.  I am in a mental space to write out some truths (as I see them) only this forum is too public.
So I am just leaving myself some clues in case in a later year I want to look back at this time to jar my memory.
(Speaking of memories...I have decided mine is unreliable and in fact littered with details added by my imagination.  I realized this when speaking with friends about another friend who was not present with us, about her relationship to the place we were (my favorite dumpling house in L.A.), only to find that she had never been there, I had just slotted her in because I was so sure she'd love it.  More than that, the dumpling house isn't even specifically the type of food she does's my version of what I think she loves).

To sum up what I would like to remember at a later date is this-
I have decided to drink my coffee with just a splash of cream- (Monte).
Perspectives do change about people and what they mean in my life, even perspectives I might swear would in fact, never change.  I keep proving this-so it is time to actually believe it.
There are reasons that I am where I am (mentally and physically) but I miss my friends whenever they are not within an easy drive or flight time.

The inevitable emotional arc
Rat Shed
California will never completely leave you
No matter how you age, if you survive life is going to keep happening so try to participate fully.