Whenever I leave a place that I live for another place that I live (or have lived) I fall into a mood of being pensive. "Mentally and spiritually preoccupied". As if 'returning' means I will be cut off from my current life. It's a strange form of superstition.
I just went through my blog posts of the last year, and I was jolted into seeing that it has been a good year- I am quick to judge myself lacking because I have this pervasive fear that IF my life is good, then it's only a matter of time before I ruin it through some act of selfishness or stupidity.
This morning, I can see that although this is a well-worn road, it isn't not true, or even relevant to my life now.
Also, I can see that this is also a reaction I have to having too many people in my life that are having problems all at once. The same trait in me that I once thought would make me a good talk-psychologist has this impact of making me tense. I thought that if I became a Psychologist I would have the experience and expertise to put up proper boundaries.
Or maybe boundaries isn't exactly what I mean- because I don't want to block anyone- I just need to learn to not let the misfortune (and by misfortune I mean a lot of things) of others color my own perceptions of my life.
My feeling guilty that I have made good decisions it a useless reaction.
The fact that I went a month without putting up a blog post is akin to not writing in a journal for a month- although mostly my reaction to the pressures currently have been positive- more trips to the gym, I took some swimming lessons and Zok and I went snorkeling.
I received letters and posted replies.
I had some selling dramas via Ebay but sorted it out and still came out ahead.
I may have played everything a bit safe these last couple of months but I think that reaction was reasonable. A person can not always seek out adventure, or have the cupboards perfectly organized- sometimes life is about rolling with the punches.
We are leaving in a day at the unholy hour of 4 a.m.-
Eight hours later we will board for LAX - which at 14 hours seems short compared to our normal trip to Europe.
But I will still be confused, haggard, and stinky by the time I arrive to L.A.
Then less than 24 hours later I will be headed up to Sac.
But- through whatever happens I have that guy pictured above-
He is a good thing, that I should always remember-
I am going to see good friends-
I am going to not sweat the little things...I am going to let go of past histories that no longer serve me...I am going to mantra/self-help my way into grace and goodness.
I received letters and posted replies.
I had some selling dramas via Ebay but sorted it out and still came out ahead.
I may have played everything a bit safe these last couple of months but I think that reaction was reasonable. A person can not always seek out adventure, or have the cupboards perfectly organized- sometimes life is about rolling with the punches.
We are leaving in a day at the unholy hour of 4 a.m.-
Eight hours later we will board for LAX - which at 14 hours seems short compared to our normal trip to Europe.
But I will still be confused, haggard, and stinky by the time I arrive to L.A.
Then less than 24 hours later I will be headed up to Sac.
But- through whatever happens I have that guy pictured above-
He is a good thing, that I should always remember-
I am going to see good friends-
I am going to not sweat the little things...I am going to let go of past histories that no longer serve me...I am going to mantra/self-help my way into grace and goodness.
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