The weather has turned to high winds, low clouds, some rain, and grey-grey-with a little more grey. This is not completely true, yesterday dawned this way-but by late afternoon, the day was bright, and I was fortunately in the Botanical Gardens enjoying the turn of weather. This morning however, is a repeat of yesterday, the air in my room was nippy- the morning seemed quiet, and so I hit snooze on my alarm. Then messages started coming in from Stockholm- our friends gathered around Zok - I was being remembered and missed and missing everyone in turn. This happens...the feeling of fragmentation within my emotions created by living in and leaving so many places. And always the strangeness that I don't have any close peers here in Tasmania...people are now friendly to me...we have lovely neighbours...sometimes I run into a person I know - well enough to stop and chat.
But- I don't have any relationships that compare in closeness to friends elsewhere.
Meanwhile while I am left alone...I tend to pay to much attention to the news cycle, and to find ways to feel guilty and find ways to connect everything back to myself. When I moved here fourteen years ago...the population was under 21 million, the population clock is now at almost 25 million.
I am obviously, one of those that caused the increase and my partner was also born elsewhere. While on my recent volunteering trip- most of the group was discussing this issue. The issue was under discussion because of a news program called '4 Corners' which I have just finished watching. I was concerned with the amount of fear I heard within peoples opinions. I was let down in myself that I couldn't combat the fear well enough to have any impact.
Even when I first moved here...I did realize that we had settled in a state that felt like a retirement state, and as pointed out in the report 1 in 5 Tasmanians are over the age of 65. I feel confused that the conversation seems to only be happening now, and I am confused that Hobart and Launceston do not embrace the challenge of growth through innovation- public transportation, staggering work times so the roads are able to handle more, creating green spaces and walkable cities.
At times like these I miss the environment of University where I felt I had so much access to educated opinions. My logic is often flawed...and opinions can become entrenched when they are not challenged.
Less than two weeks until my better half returns - this is not too much time to spend on the ledge.