From winter to summer in under 48 hours

We are leaving in less than a week.  The weather has been really cold, in a way that makes any gardening task seem like that task could ...you know...just wait until Spring returns.  I have switched in this late hour to helping with the garage conversion- coating the wood panels with oil.  The goal is that the two small rooms will be completed and items can then be stored there so that the large office space can be finished- hopefully in a week in late November when he has a week between tours.  There was a recent switch to the workspace / garage / garden tool / where the automobiles are parked area that seemed to me a distraction from more the more important areas, but now, I think I was wrong.  That area being more put together makes the project seem close to being finished.  I am having trouble with the main house due to residual feelings from the robbery.  Last time we left there was still scaffolding up from repairs to the house as a result of the robbery- the house was really clean as we had had to empty to house out to have the floors repaired.  This year I seem to be leaving the cleaning to the last day- giving me a constricted time frame.  

I know this attitude of 'That doesn't matter I am leaving soon' isn't a clear feeling, the feeling is made up of all the good byes I have ever avoided, all the times I have made a break for the state line, every bitter "You will miss me when I am gone" feeling of disregard.  This is the drama I can't seem to shake.  The entanglement of emotional build up.  But I am not alone, I am part of a 'We are in this together'.  

I always feel worry when I leave my book collection, but I have library cards, and credit cards- there are bookshops and libraries all over.  Every idle fear has an answer these days.  I have picked a book for the flights.  I have ordered a new pack of crosswords.  I have snacks to squirrel away in defense of plane food.  I have armed myself with a new outfit in case of public appearances.

I have left my friends voicemails, a digital trail of my plans.

I have grandiose notions of spontaneity - perhaps I will just spend October traveling as far as I can by train.  Perhaps I will turn up on your doorstep with a rental, a map, and enough snacks to take us both across the state line.