"...we change the tune but not the song, over and over..."

Zok and I seem unable to tear ourselves from the garden, come rain (mostly rain) or shine.

Zok is on some building mission as you can see.  I think he is making an obstacle course for the birds so they have to exercise on their way in to eat our fruit and vegetables.

He also created a new space for the BBQ now that our (new) deck is too small and too flammable for the BBQ to be right outside our back door.

I have had the chore of weeding which is pretty dull really- and seems never ending, sometimes I think "Ahhh geez just let grow big so they are easier to pull out." But of course this is how weeds spread by getting to the point where the one weed goes to seed and spreads itself.

But right now most are really, really tiny and hard to pick out through the mulch.

I listen to books and hours go by, yesterday I got cranky and demanded treats, so we had lunch and beer on our porch before calling it quits for the day.

Next month my yoga classes start up, regularly 3 x a week in the morning, so I should well be on the path to earlier starts and summer light.

Speaking of which, I have been coming to the realization that many, many people here get up extremely early, like 5:30 am or earlier.

I think I only know one person from my life outside of here that gets up at that time.  (you know who you are!).

Things that have taken up my time outside of the garden:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Cartier-Bresson 

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-10-11/malala-yousafzai-wins-top-human-rights-prize/5015628 

Have you read or heard about Malala?

The type of story that keep any complaints one might have firmly inside the brain, because of the diminished size in comparison to her life.

"I beg you, friend, be happy. I have the vague sense that on your capacity to be happy hangs our only hope."

People often ask me how I feel about Hobart.  How I feel about Stockholm.  Where is home?

Well, due to the amount of easy cliché sayings involving "home" that come to mind. I think that this is a very common question.  I, alas, do not have an answer.

 Our house in Hobart is a home.  We have invested into the maintenance and garden in ways that an apartment, especially a socially run Swedish apartment does not need.  I would say we have done a fair job of cluttering up the Swedish apartment, it is no match for the remnants of forty-five years worth of slogging stuff from place to place.  Stockholm feels like a vacation because we have so many friends there, and so much to do.  Hobart feels like home, but we are still quite insular in the sense that we don't engage with our community at large.  We are trying to work on that.  Our neighbor and house protector Sue left us a vase of daffodils to prove that spring is definitely coming on.

Tomorrow we will have been back here in Hobart for two weeks.  Zok played a lot of Croquet matches already, and now has a rather large trophy in his office.

I have started Yoga classes at a newish place by the waterfront.  Mostly we have been gardening and organizing the house.  Being gone for months at a time does impact the kitchen. 

I haven't studied Swedish, or gone swimming.  I haven't caught up on my issues of 'The New Yorker'.  

I did start the latest Ian McEwan book.

I have planted many seeds both flowers and vegetable.

I started to 'grow' a vinegar 'mother'- from a bottle of wine we opened and didn't like.

I am waging a serious battle against 'onion weed'.  I have given in and I am just digging out heaps with a fair bit of dirt as well.   They have to be bagged up, sealed up, left to smother in the sun and then they still have to be put into the garbage aka the "deep" landfill not into compost of any kind.

I caught the very last of the Magnolia blooms.  The Lilac tree looks months away from blooming, but the Swedish ones can come on quite late in spring so I am not worried yet.  My newest tree which I call a 'snowball tree' because of its blooms is thriving since Zok had the large tree nearby taken down.

The Clivia, (large orange flowers) that I divided all bloomed which I think is amazing, because seriously, I had to hack it out of the ground.  We added a second bird bath, onto the stumps of the tree that was taken down.  The single bird bath used to be at the corner of the house, on the old apple tree stump- however when the brick work was done they moved the tree stump (?!) too far back, so we are going to just pull it out.  We only left it there because we used to be able to see the flock of new holland honey eaters bath there in the evenings, which is hilarious, and really counts as entertainment.

However, birds do not seem to be attracted to the new location yet, so we might need to move them again, as the space might be too open.

Each day we find ourselves exhausted by our efforts and feeling as if we are farmers. (Ha!)

"...fly me to the moon...and let me play among the stars..."

This photo was taken in the early hours of our trip to return to Tasmania. Only hour number six. Now I am in a airline lounge, hour number 42.  Our flight leg from Dubai to Melbourne was re-routed to Adelaide due to weather and a lack of fuel. Two hours on the ground, in the plane, we finally returned to Melbourne. Here we had to get our luggage, have our passports checked, and the contents of our bags for quarantine. Lastly, getting to check in again, on the earliest available flight, six hours later. Bringing our door-to-door travel time somewhere around the 42 hour mark.

Australia can feel very, very, far away.

My brain is mushy. Also my perception is skewed, because after so many hours in a plane, the airport feels light, bright and fresh.

"The circus is leaving town, so Ruby dry your eyes...the party is over now...stop howling at the moon..."

Do you ever wish you could know what it is like inside another persons head?  I am fairly certain that I have been told more than once in reprimand "This is not about you." or "Why do you take things so personally?".

I think I need to examine these questions.  I know I have an affinity for 12-step speak.  This says something about me.  I am just not sure what it is.

I have some set of worry that stems from a selfishness.  A selfishness that did not turn into an addiction but one that colors my behavior in an unflattering way.

For all the work I have tried to do, to make myself the person I want to be there is still something I am lacking.

Like the hair, dust, and bitsofbetternottoknow that gather each day no matter how many times I clean up.  There is always a new event to challenge my idea of the person I think I am.

Does this seem a bit personal?  If this was the 1980s, I am sure I would have picked up the phone and dialed friends until I could find one to talk me around.  But who does that anymore?  Now, we have social sites that for me at least make me feel further away-mostly.  But of course I take things personally so I read intent into the announcements of posts.  But why?  I have enough friends who email me ahead of time, when something important happens, for exactly this reason, to spare me from finding out news in a public forum.

Why do I think I need to be that important to everyone?  More importantly why do I need people to like me?  I do not give a lot of thought to people I don't like.

I had plenty of relationships that did not work out, many that I ended- so I have been the perpetrator of such behavior.  Why does breaking up with a friend hurt more than with a love interest?

...and then there is Zok- truly he alone should fill up all the empty crevices.  I don't really want to know what is inside another persons head.  I don't want to read their diary or at least I wouldn't want to read the parts about myself, because that isn't about me, so much as about them.  Just like these troubles are more about me and less about others-once I write it out and take a good look.

Yes, there are some specific events that brought this deluge about - some family stuff, some attempted friendship disappointments, some life events elsewhere that I am missing out on.

I have been really happy- free of terror inside my heart and head happy-

So, really these current events are a test.

A challenge, that I will do my best to come through with grace.

And if I fall short of grace, well I will try my best to be kind to myself and others.

Ohrid, Macedonia

Zok and I took a couple of days to drive out to Ohrid, Macedonia.

As modern day Macedonia no longer has a coast line, this lake is a big draw during summer when the days are mostly in the upper 30 c.

Ohrid is also a UNESCO site as there are archeological digs not only on land but in the lake.  In the lake there are settlement remains from the neolithic through the end of the Bronze age.

There is a theatre from sometime in the Hellenic period, probably after the Roman conquest.  There are finds from the time that Ohrid was a world power during the early Byzantine era.

They are still uncovering sites - the larger monastery here has been beautifully reconstructed- the interior walls have just about three feet of the original frescoes from the 10th century.  But after the fall of the Macedonian Czar, the walls were whitewashed and parts torn down to convert the building into a Mosque during the early 15th century. On the same site is the remains of a basilica from the 4th or 5th centuries. 

This is activity of building on top of buildings is common as the area was conquered, then liberated, then conquered again.  As I read about the areas, the attitudes of people, and the modern day museum of 'The Macedonian Struggles' make more and more sense.  The Mosques in particular caused much damage because by custom they must be "highest", so Macedonian churches were destroyed, and if allowed to be built they are built in such a way that you must walk down into the church.

People do not have to be religious in the American sense- because religion simply permeates everything.

"...come back to me...my wild Colleen..."

I have traveled to the U.K. quite a few times-and I think of the islands and the Highlands as being remote areas.  However, they actually do a roaring tourist trade; August being the peak of the peak time to go.  Added to that fact were reports that tourism in Scotland reported a record breaking year.  Oh yes, and the Edinburgh Fringe festival was happening as well.

So- booking accommodations and routing out a road trip from Cookie and Steve's place near Chester was a bit of a challenge.

Zok also got to experience his first serious dose of bed and breakfast style lodgings.  We actually got an interesting mix.  None, were the "everyone eats together with their host" style of my early twenties in America.  They seem to be places that are mostly remodeled larger dwellings; halls, boarding houses, farmsteads or they are modernized pub stays.

Therefore, you eat in what was the pub or large dining hall- nearby but not on the same table as the other guests.  The staff is usually small, or a family.

We had the range from a converted pub that dated back to the 1500s-, complete with wonky loud plumbing and lurid wall paper to a brewery that was tastefully remodeled in light colored tartan, with aspirations to be a boutique hotel.

The scenery on the drives were as stunning as expected, and some one lane tracks complete with mist rolling by and deer on the road felt as remote as I wished for.  But there were also stretches that had two tour buses, and maybe six cars all pulled over, so that a small horde of people could take photos of a highland cow near a fence.  Waiting time for the Taliska distillery was an hour.  Of course those details will fade into memory.

But if I went back I would pick a place to rent for a week. A lot of places only rented from Saturday to Saturday, usually something to do with ferry or train schedules.  Otherwise I would really book ahead of time, or go on the edge of the high season- May or early September.  So many areas are lovely, I would have a hard time choosing, but I think I would do more of the islands (we only went to Isle of Skye) and then more time near Royal Deeside to spend time in the Cairngorms park. 

http://visitcairngorms.com/

But then there is also the Edinburgh Fringe festival! We did actually go to one comedy show at the fringe.  I would really like to go just for a week of the fringe.  The festival is really well organized.  We listened to BBC Scotland and were able to hear a lot of the comedians during different talk shows.  There were a lot of authors I would have enjoyed seeing, as well as a Philip Glass, Patti Smith event.  There were burlesque, aerial performances, plays, operas, music, comedy, author readings and talks, shows for children, events tied in with the museums- and more.  The comedy show we went to was free- the comedians pass a bucket that you can give donations to if you feel the show was worth it!  I picked partly by time slot and partly by the title.  I think a lot of the jokes about Australia were lost on the small audience but Zok and I laughed quite a bit.  Me- a bit more as much had to do with the perceptions of Australia and living both within Australia and leaving outside of Australia.

https://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/australia-is-f-cked 

https://www.edfringe.com/ 

Pay the piper.

Photo opportunity that mimics your idea of the Highlands? Check!