Sunday, September 27, 2009

"If it keeps on raining the levee's gonna break"




"Don't it make it bad when your trying to find your way home, and you don't know which way to go"

I have been losing sleep, and I don't mean the kind of sleeplessness that comes from the anticipation of Christmas, or going to Disneyland.
I am speaking here about the kind of restlessness that comes from having to make or face a decision that is of the type where there is no happy solution, or no easy solution, or perhaps no solution other than to walk away.

The weather has been no help at all. There has been sudden showers, followed by fifteen minutes of bright sunlight, heavy showers that rage all night; wind rattling the windows and rain hitting against the panes, there has been gray mornings that never get warm, accompanied by constant drizzle.
Being kept indoors has not been helpful, I have not be able to get away from myself or the weeks' drama.

"Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good, when the levee breaks mama you got to move"

Zok is home in less than a week, normally I would be running around the house, breaking out into dance spontaneously and singing songs about him of my own creation. However the local skating leagues' problems have been as persistent as the rain, and I am beaten down.
I am giving my momentary best, for these last weeks of non-practice, grievance interventions, a couple of loose ends I started, and committee meetings. Then Zok is home, and I am sure that much of this drama will be shown to be as ridiculous as I believe and feel it to be, and I don't think much will bear itself under the weight of having an outside witness.

"All last night I sat on the levee and moaned, thinking of my baby, and my happy home"

Beyond all the above somewhat cryptic, spewing of thoughts, I am away part of October, and then Zok and I leave on my 41st birthday late in October, for about six weeks. Then it is Christmas-if I even think to look back at this post, surely the person who wrote will seem as foreign to me as my diary entries from the early 1980s, by that time.

1 comment:

brandi said...

i hope its passed already. lovely writing as usual. the song was a perfect accompaniment.