"It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up, world except for my Lola..."

I have gone to Pride parades since the mid 1970s.

Of course I was young and so my personal experience might be colored by that fact.  I do remember, and I think the parades seemed wilder, that there was less of the 'other' that attended.

But then, I see in Stockholm, the fire department, the teachers union, the police, proud parents, the rainbow families (same sex couple with children), local stores that are akin to 7-11- the pressbyran, printed flags that said essentially 'dyke-bryan, home-byran, trans-byran' and so on.

Even the churches and government offices march!  This makes me happy that here, the parade is attended by so many different areas of society.  Also so many kids are out, in outfits full of individual expression, dancing and having a good time in the parade.

Of course the hot topic was Russia.  I was intrigued by the amount of signes that were printed in Russian, Swedish and English.  I thought this was very global minded, that people knew that photos of their signs very likely would make it into the world press. There were many, many signs deploring Russia.  There were signs for what amounts to an injustice in Sweden such as not being allowed to transgender until the age of 18.

 Here are the Rainbow families, this is only a small segment, they were a very, very large group perhaps dominantly female couples but many male couples as well.

"Weapons of mass seduction!"

I have no idea who this skater was- but she was AMAZING.

 Today, the day of the PRIDE parade was one of our HOTEST days this year.  I think many people said to themselves as they dressed to leave their homes..."Or I could wear this bathing costume".

 

"...teach your children well...and feed them on your dreams..."

I have seen a few Roller Derby Documentaries.  An interesting aspect is how early the commonalities in starting, and being a part of a Roller Derby league become a clear pattern.  This can be enlightening, and within a good perspective funny.  

Roller Baby is about not one league, or one region, it is about the sport of Roller Derby itself.  As the sport grows, and changes, there are large questions becoming clear, about skaters transferring right before regionals or championships, sponsorship, paid positions, and most heatedly, how much should Roller Derby conform to the nature of (american) sports?

Derby more than anything to me is its own subculture.  I think my life has been a series of subcultures.

I was born in Haight-Ashbury.  I lived off the Sunset Strip during the heavy metal 80s.  I moved to Seattle in the early 90s (delayed by the L.A. Riots).  I have seen many parts of my life represented in documentaries, books, tv programs.  Roller Derby is no different.

There are the two sides, the subculture and the sport.   Can you really keep subculture within a mainstream sport?  One of the amazing aspects of Roller Derby is that almost every league started organically.  Many times without the women actually having a complete picture of what Roller Derby is.  Then each small group of women go out and find ways to get more information.  From a neighboring league, from a convention like RollerCon, and spending their time and money created a league of their own.

There are organizations that can not be explained within normal parameters.  A.A. is one, in the beginning Ebay was another.

I look at Roller Derby as a subculture that is just going to get bigger.  Like Punk Rock, parts of it will go mainstreams, some new version (New Wave) will be created.  There will always be some place in the world where a group tries to create their own version.

If the sport was to become accepted, as a sport in the realm of sport- well I can't picture that because I like many others came to Roller Derby with forty-years of dislike for sport.

Roller Derby has changed that.  I can see the reasons and advantages of girls playing sports when they are any age.

Junior Derby all over the world, will certainly have the largest future impact on our sport.  Derby Baby was a good starting point in the conversation.  Even in Tasmania the many large questions about the future of our sport has come down to "I will never give up my fishnets!" which of course is not the actual argument.  But a prime example of normal divisiveness within a subculture.  

But yes, in the movie they show a team, in N.Carolina that was created, by a man with a plan.  (As truly was flat track Derby but that is different documentary).  The women skate under their own names, and I am sorry but they are definitely quaffed in a way that most leagues are not.  (My photos are usually taken mid-practice on a day we are practicing in some very creatively found venue and I am dirty, smudged and tired as hell).

Women in Roller Derby need to pick the fight they want- what they feel is the most important aspect to concentrate on.

I believe that if anything can be learned from past movements, and other subcultures is that Roller Derby leagues need to start looking at the larger picture and decide what they want.  I believe Roller Derby does not have to conform.  I believe in the revolution of change. 

But of course if I have learned anything from Derby it is that my opinion is not the only opinion.  Also my ideas might be as good as the next, or not the best.  As with any friendship, there is give and take, and compromise. 

Also my personal experience continues to be as it was last night.  I drove with three other people, all of us volunteering our time, and contributing our money to a new, small start up league.  Västrås. 

http://vasterasrollerderby.wordpress.com/

They had their first public scrimmage, a showing of the movie and an after party.  Just a sweet group, in their corner of the world, creating yet another revolution.

Or, in the oft-quoted words of L.A. music journalist Kickboy Face: "I have excellent news for the world. There is no such thing as new wave. It does not exist. It's a figment of a lame cunt's imagination. There was never any such thing as new wave. It was the polite thing to say when you were trying to explain you were not into the boring old rock 'n' roll but you didn't dare to say punk because you were afraid to get kicked out of the fucking party and they wouldn't give you coke anymore. There's new music, there's new underground sound, there's noise, there's punk, there's power pop, there's ska, there's rockabilly. But new wave doesn't mean shit."

 

Vinterviken; moving Derby style

I have been busy almost every minute since getting to Stockholm.
The league is starting a new intake of fresh skaters.
Plus there are bouts coming up and many hours of practice.
Also a small group of skaters started Jam skating practice.

There has been a little bit of snow.
There have been some warm sunny days.
Small spring flowers like crocus, snow drops and daffodils are blooming.

Before Wednesday night practice, I helped a few derby girls move.
They are living in a crazy big, fancy house.
Out on Vinterviken, which was once the site of Nobel's factories.
(inventor of dynamite, gift of the Nobel prize)
There is also a book and movie named Vinter Viken.
I love getting to see places in Stockholm I have never seen.

The owner left some interesting choices behind, a photo of the King and Queen of Sweden (in one of the four bathrooms), a large painted family portrait, bits of furniture; including a grand piano.
Five roller derby skaters will be filling up this beautiful house, and the rest of us might just help out to take up some patio space when summer arrives.
Two of the bedrooms are easily the size of my living room.
We moved two of the girls out, one had a handy elevator to help with moving her boxes.

This weekend is our Roller Derby Bout (B team) in Göteberg.

"...on stranger waves, the lows and highs..."

I have had a lot of school, derby, and Swedish lessons taking up all my time.  I left on Friday afternoon to attend a Roller Derby 'advanced' bootcamp in Berlin.   I knew that I did not technically qualify as 'advanced' and I certainly felt that way when the coaches kept stating "I am sure your leagues do they types of drills all the time".  Each time this was stated I thought to myself, "The girls in Tasmania would think I was trying to kill them if I made them do this drill"!

I also had to pull myself off to the side to do some of the drills that I had never seen before and was slow to enact.  Also I have come to realize the level of 'aggressive skating' here is much higher than I am used too.  

I have had two days to recover but I am still tired.  I am going to Mälmo tomorrow for two days and six bouts.  I am going to bench coach the Stockholm games, which is something I have never done before.

Perhaps all the 'new' is what is causing my exhaustion.

Both coaches in Berlin were inspiring.  Although I think that for me the point is not to strive to be them, but to hold them up as a standard so that I can better myself.

Derby is growing fast, on a professional level as well as the level of athleticism.  Yet each week I think there are more 'small' places starting a roller derby league.  There is a large gap between them.

But this seems to be normal for sport.  There are junior leagues, professional leagues, b-leagues, pick up games, sport clubs- in each level and in each place people make the sport their own.

My excuse for having barely any photos and not even getting postcards in Berlin is due less to time constraints and more to the hazards of traveling in a group.

Thorildsplan Tunnelbana or how Sookie tried to beat the rain

Two days of non-stop rain. The two days I had for personal skating. One of STRD newer referees invited me to a skate park that is under a bridge and often skating in the rain is possible due to the amount of pavement the bridge keeps dry.

We were not quite that fortunate, I have a massive bruise from taking off when my wheels had gotten too wet. But at least I think my crash made the 6 year old girl skateboarder feel better about her fall...

I was happy to just get out of the apartment and go somewhere new.
The park was near a station I have been meaning to go to because of the tiling there. As usual I did not have a the better camera with me.

This week I also took a bus to check out a rumored outdoor 'covered' rink. This proved to be true and although the rink really, really needs to be clean up, at least we can skate in wet weather.
So for now practice is being held there.
I am going out early today to make up my skating time. I ran the last session and therefore didn't get to skate much. I might have to ref today so, again I won't get much actual practice time.
However, next weekend I am attending a skating camp in Berlin. Being organized by the Berlin Bombshells, and run by Swedehurt and Suzy Hotrod.
I just hope I can keep up...

"Hope is a very unruly emotion."

The phone I am using does not take good photos-
I am going to have to carry some better means of taking photographs.
I want to show you how crowded the city is, the sidewalks, the parks, all the public spaces. I would like to sit with you so you could watch how the light only fades...vaguely...without commitment to darkness at this time of year.
We could sit and eat ice-cream from my favorite ice-cream shop (yesterday I had berry flavored with salty licorice and cherries with chocolate pieces) in the park where as the park is cast into shadow, each person feeling that shadow creep up will pack up all their stuff and move along to a sunnier spot, this movement seems unconscious and yet coordinated.

The Stockholm Roller Derby double header http://rollerderby.se/ was for me, good, I felt confident in both what I know and what I don't know and I acted accordingly, and if I wasn't great, I certainly was not a hindrance.
I even went to the after party, but I cheated and went home to shower because I don't think I have ever sweated quite so much in my whole life.
I drank, I danced, I even sang and I had a good time, although I felt my age for an entire day, the day after.
I had a funny moment in the dressing room when I (upon the nudity) remembered that many countries that are not America or Australia are very free with nudity, and both Finland and Sweden are included...
One more week of practice and then the venues close and any practice will be done outdoors until mid-August or early September.
Zok has been gone during Derby days and so that has been perfect, we have both been in the apartment at the same time.

Have you been wondering how I am? Perhaps you should email me.

"Wonderful teachers ready to teach me, I must work on my mind"

Today is Wednesday and so the long weekend that started late Friday night, has come to an end.
For the first time, all three leagues that are in Tasmania were under one roof, as organized by Convict City. There were three skaters from Australia's first and largest league V.R.D.L.
I felt for the first time the actual sacrifice I am making by trying to become a Referee. I write 'trying' because the job is hard and complicated enough that months will pass before I know if I can actually be a decent Referee. The sacrifice I speak of, is that while the skaters learned new tactics, new drills, and new skills, I was on the side line learning about how to call penalties, avoid bias, and work the procedures. While everyone else was physically exhausted (which I think feels rewarding) I was simply mentally exhausted. While the group of skaters were bonding, I was apart.
My mantra is 'This is not about my personal derby goals, this is about my goal for derby as a whole'. Because I have to remember that I do not want to skate without refs, and more importantly I don't want to scrimmage without refs, and there are only the two of us trying to learn.
Still, I found the process hard, and unrewarding.
The skaters that gave their time to come over and share their skills were great.
Yesterday Zok and I took two of the skaters for a 'day out'. The weather has snapped back to cold, and the rain was strong, but our choice for a day out was good. We were under cover, with an open fire and a BBQ, in a pretty spot, able to drink wine, talk and watch the rain fall.
They braved the thermal pools, while I played Scrabble Apple.
Zok was very nice about being a Derby Widow for so many days.
Of course he has Croquet tournaments on both Thursday and Friday.

"...open sea and city lights...busy streets and dizzy heights..."

Geelong is filled with winter weather, morning fog, rain that drizzles, then clears, then comes again in the form of a more committed rain. There are bright afternoon moments where the sky and horizon become clear and the low moon appears bright on the background of daytime blue.
I have spent many hours in the University library, where suddenly any book not pertaining to my planned study becomes irresistible to me.
I have somehow lost both my favorite hat and a really great book that was not a book I own. '1 dead in attic' by Chris Rose, Saff loaned the book to me because we both are still talking about how much we liked the HBO series 'Treme'. Poor Saff was apparently mistaking me for a grown up who doesn't somehow randomly lose a book.
A bit late in my week I realized I should have been postering for our bout this Sunday because I have been wandering all over the central area of Geelong. I tried to make up for this on both Wednesday and Thursday, although I can only take credit for about fifteen flyers in about ten locations.
I feel positive about Roller Derby while being here, and I'll try to use of the positivity back in Tasmania to see if I can make any sort of impact.
I also feel sort of 'grown up' about Roller Derby. I feel by analogy the sort of benchmark of change one feels between being a Freshman and a Junior in High School. Last August was my first competitive bout, so I am coming up on my year mark, and if I had to remark on the biggest difference, that difference would be my passivity.
Where for months I was willing to listen to all opinions about Roller Derby, I know have opinions of my own and although I believe my opinions can be changed, but I feel tenacious about quite a few of them. I know many, many people know more about Roller Derby than I do, but I am also confident that I know quite a bit.
Tomorrow is a day off, a day in the city with Saff with plans to see the Tim Burton exhibit, and going to see a showing of the original 'Psycho' in an old theater with a fifty piece orchestra providing the score.

Today is Bouting Day

We are leaving really early by Derby standards, 10 a.m. to lay the track, because the doors are at 2 p.m. and we have to drive to Ballarat.

The Ballarat League is hosting the bout today.

Ballarat is about 1.5 hours from Riff Raff Saff's house, and this is where I have been laying my head at night.

I got these helmet stickers from Harry S'Potter who is a Referree extraordinaire.   They were meant to make me nice and flashy in America, but they will do nicely today.

B.R.D.L and G.R.D.L both scrimmage a couple hours a week, as well as having two other weekly practices.

This add to my concerns about my own skating, because I don't have as much access to practice sessions, especially sessions that are geared towards working as a team.

Tasmania is just really entering the phase of team work.

Four blockers working alone is never a good look.

I can always fall back on 'sacrificing myself' which means, since I am little, and the teams know I am not around a lot, I will get targeted (think weak gazelle) by big hitters-and as long as I am taking that hit at the right time...

But one worry at a time, I need to eat before we leave.

I will just keep repeating in my head the things I forget to do:

Get lower (hope for a high block penalty call), dodge, counter block.

I feel more comfortable at the back of the pack, as I need a run up to be effective while hitting, then when I get passed, I can chase the jammer, this feels good to me, but this isn't really the position for someone who can't hit well- which I am still working on.

Of course I am excited to be included, and I may not be rostered on a lot, and finally everything I learn adds to what I can do to help at home.

Of course if I break a bone, I could have a nice rest...

"Get out of my way or I'm gonna shove"

So here it is early, May, autumn for me, and spring for my friends in the Northern Hemisphere.  When I came back from Queensland, where I watched (and got to help) Betty Bamalam conduct a three day coaching sort of boot camp-I can home with new drills and the desire to try and coach.  My 'go-go' style doesn't mesh well with the Tasmanian way.
Long story short, last Sunday's session is what I thought I'd be running by early February, only now we are here, in May.
This is sort of compounded by the fact that I leave for America next week.  I thought by mid-March the league would have been running pre-scrimmage drills and short scrimmages, focused on the fourteen plus skaters who signed up for the big Southern Slam event in Adelaide.
I pictured enough spread of knowledge-where a couple of skaters who were either other coaches, or who got focused on strategy would be able to just take over, and work on just team strategy for the Southern Slam.
I suppose I have learned (at least am trying to learn) that I can't put my expectations on other people.
A couple of skaters are going to go over to Geelong as I have done, to skate in their practices, so perhaps this will have the same impact on them that it had on me.
Also I believe that after Adelaide, the league will have a more homogeneous view of where we are all going.

 I am going to go on my trip feeling hopeful, and indeed proud, the league now has a permanent slot in a space that is big enough to skate aggressively (if we can get it together on the slippery surface) and to scrimmage.  The league bought a no trip track that I've had my eye on since 2009.  These are ingredients that I believed we had to have to move forward and I had a part in making them come together.
I find it hard to give up my own skating time to coach, but for now I think this is my only option to try and build something or remain alone on the black top (schoolyard skating).  With some luck and good will on the part of others, I will get to do some skating with 'freshie' classes in America.  I only skate well enough to sign a waiver and be in a beginner class as the standard in America is much, much, higher than here.  Leagues in America skate 3 times a week, and compete most of the year.  They pay in the area of $100 a month and have access to enough derby to just live roller derby.  Skaters are on a training schedule like any other sport, so skating is full time.
I fear this will inspire me to come back, in the dead of winter, with the same 'go-go!' that will once again be my undoing...

"Little sister on your rollerskates, its Friday night and you've got a date."

Friday? Really? How did Monday through today slip by me? I vaguely remember 'library lock down' to get an assignment posted by the end of Monday, and I know there was a day that I coached Roller Derby, and two committee meetings, and new assignments...Okay, the picture is becoming clear to me.
Believe me when I tell you that I want to be the person who stays home, in her routine, sleeping, reading, and listening to records. Yet, tomorrow after I coach I am flying to Melbourne and going to Geelong. I bought the ticket on the cheap months ago and although Jetstar allows changes, the change fee is more than the original cost of the ticket.
I think I can use the tune up of skating with Geelong, because the longer I am away, the more I feel as if I am just playing make-believe as opposed to actually helping to create a sports team. By being there I can soak up some new skills, and reaffirm to myself that I know the ones I have well enough to be imparting them to others.
Our Convict City Roller League is poised on the brink of making things happen. We now have numbers showing up to practice, and there is a gleam of hope in even the most tired of us. Dot Dash has organized a fundraiser, happening this Sunday to off set the costs of the skaters that are going to Adelaide for the Southern Slam.
http://greatsouthernslam.com.au/

This event will give the skaters here a chance to see Roller Derby in action and actually be part of the action.
Partially in preparation for the big Adelaide event; Riff Raff Saff, and Ref Fink were my house guests and the leagues guest coaches over the weekend. The rapt attention they were given by our group was commendable but also showed me that I need to step up and try to command some of that attention for my own coaching sessions.
They were great coaches and great house guests, and I even got a present! G.R.D.L. sent me a jacket for guest skating in the two bouts. I now have three items with 'Sookie Smackhouse' and my number printed on them. Hopefully when I am in America no other Sookie's will try and steal it from me. I check my email daily for a response from the fan club of Charlaine Harris regarding the 'saga of the Sookies', but so far I have met only the disappointment of no response. Perhaps not everyone wants their intellectual property turned into a Roller Derby moniker...

"...someone stole the life from you...your heart is on the floor"

I have been ruminating for days about this posting,- March 26th by my reckoning is the year anniversary of Roller Derby entering my life. I did a search on my own blog for 'skating' and 'roller derby' and I read through some of my postings. I have definitely been on a journey, and I feel more kindly upon reflection over those postings. I didn't want to post negatively, and I also felt an urge to censor myself because of the negativity, yet I wanted to 'write it out'.
A year seems unbelievable while the fact that I have only known Betty for less than a year, feels incredible for the opposite reasons.
I met Betty and Fink in mid-June-! Betty is the closest thing to a real friend that I have had in all my time in Tasmania, and I would never have met her without Roller Derby. Of course she is enough like me that she essentially walked out of the life she created. She is braving it out in the world at large-and as we are on completely different date lines, I no longer have text messages in real time. I completely understand the what and the why of her leaving, and having done the same thing myself, all I can do is laugh about my first friend here, leaving the country. Anyway I look at that situation, I definitely owe Derby for Betty and Fink being in my life.

Also I owe for the fun I have had skating in other places, Geelong, Queensland, and Hawaii, all part of the debt.
I am also proud of myself for trying something so unlike the idea I have of myself. My long held dislike for sports, my fear of groups.
In part I am also indulging myself, in my forties, to make up for the time I spent in my twenties, just making rent, or being the soft touch and covering shifts for friends, or my ill placed loyalty that caused me to be the type of assistant that was available to my bosses every whim upon my personal time.

My conflict lies with Roller Derby in Tasmania.
If I am frank and honest with myself, Roller Derby here at home...tumultuous...confusing...aggravating...defeating...
I actually feel more alone here because of Derby-I am apart of a group, but not with the acceptance or common ground I have in Geelong.
I always feel like the new girl at school, offering myself all the time, and never being taken up on invitations.
Certainly a lot of what happens isn't personal, but in an odd way it is personal exactly, because it isn't.
Looking back on my posts I also realized how much I have given up for Roller Derby. I was quietly happy; taking long walks, learning to sew, gazing at stars and sitting on the beach. Now my time goes to trying to engage a group of women, designing session plans, thinking of ways to convince them of what I know to be important from the experiences I have had, just to be mostly disregarded. I could write here about small improvements, but I am finding that too hard at this moment.
Then there are the scraps of misconstrued impressions that the various women have of me, when so few have bothered to get to know me. I want to be proud of myself, I went to that first practice alone, then I went to a bout (in Melbourne) to learn more, when no one could house Betty and Fink I offered, and figured it all out, alone. I would speak up and offer ideas, yet continually be misunderstood. There was talk about going to a bout in August, but no one answered me back about going, so I booked a ticket and made my own plans. I had heard that 'dropping' into other leagues practices was okay, so I rented a Prius and offered to take any of our skaters with me to Geelong's practice, but no one wanted to go with me, so I went alone.
This of course is how I got my opportunity to skate in competition, but this seemed to make me more of an outsider back on the island.
My thought process is in this snarled loop, the league offers me very little. But without the league I have nothing in the way of Derby here on the island.

Yet, I suppose the telling sign of how Roller Derby has crawled in and set up house, is that I do have plans to continue. I keep coming up with plans, and just guarding my disappointment when the response is less what I wanted. I obligate myself a month or so at a time, knowing I won't back out of an obligation.
I can barely dredge up the memory of seeing the flyer here in Tasmania, I was with Monte, Roberto, and Zok and I idly said while taking a photo of the flyer- "Do you think I am too old for Roller Derby?" and pretty much they all laughed and said "Yes"! (insert a sort of snorting duh noise).
But I went anyway...